As a vegetarian of over 20 years I can tell you that I am not the only vegetarian who gets struck down with fear and terror at the very word âbuffetâ.
That cavalcade of cross contamination. Where a vegetarian is pretty much guaranteed to only be able to eat salad, and perhaps the crisps or nuts.
10 years ago the buffet was much better. We didnât generally struggle â you had a tray of egg mayo, a tray of ham, a tray of cheese. So whatâs changed I hear you ask?
Pretentiousness has.
At one time we didnât go to town on making it look like a technicolour rainbow of fillings (some of which do look like cat sick). I bring forth my first exhibit:
Spot the egg sandwiches. Yes, theyâre in there with the meat flapping all over them and the tuna sort of touching them.
Yum! Meaty vegetarian sandwiches. Just what I always wanted! Even the token rainbow salad buffer down the middle canât possibly save this plate. If you are vegetarian, or indeed have a seafood allergy then this isnât the plate you are looking for. Move along.
Even supermarkets and bakeries have got into the act. The obligatory black tray with the plastic lid contains this explosion of colour. And again I see cat sick. Particularly chunky cat sick. I wonder if the cat had a mouse before shouting soup into this little number?
Yum. Cross contamination.
But what really really riles me is the lack of cheese and onion rolls. There are always enough sausage rolls to feed an army. Often, so Iâm told, poor quality sausage rolls. Amazingly at the end of the night the sausage rolls seem to have increased in quantity. What was 3 plates is now 9 and thatâs after half the family have taken away a few âin cling filmâ for later. I suspect the vomiting cat can also poop a perfect sausage roll.
I whine on, but I suspect that most buffet suppliers would mix the meaty and cheesy rolls. On the few occasions I have seen cheese rolls at a function they are usually all gone within 30 minutes. Surely that should tell caterers something?
Of the wedding itself
Other than the anti vegetarian statement made with the buffet I must say last nightâs wedding was rather nice and in excellent company.
After much soul searching and deliberation earlier in the day I decided that leather was not the thing to be worn (I also briefly flirted with the idea of latex trousers and waistcoat but quickly cast that to the maybe pile â hmmâŠ.sweaty and clammy). I therefore decked myself up in my light grey stage suit (with a blue shirt and tie rather than my usual pink and purple combination).
The wedding was for a couple of prog friends â Brian and Jackie â Brian in particular being a massive Whovian so you can probably imagine the themingâŠ
But that was only half of it⊠You canât have a Doctor Who themed event withoutâŠ
Aaaaargh!!! My childhood fears. Daleks terrified me! Cybermen not quite so.
A prog band played for us (those non prog fans in the audience probably sat there yawning, not understanding the ramblings of Mr John Dexter Jones and his troubadours) but I enjoyed that bit⊠Although I did get plungered by a Dalek.
It was nice to see the amazing Doctor Who theming though⊠Although I think the TARDIS should have been placed in front of the door to the toilets just for fun.
All in all, fun was had! Iâll leave you with this.
Nyaaaaaaarh